Help Me To Empower Women In Addiction Recovery Through Writing & Creativity

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For the past 9 months, I have been working on a pilot project that brings writing, journaling and creativity to women who are in long-term residential addictions treatment.  This project grew out of my work with two non-profits that I volunteer with – Heal My Voice and Chrysalis House.  This program developed organically when I shared some magazines with the Chrysalis House that had an article I had written on 7 Ways To Cultivate Love & Compassion For Yourself, based on a post from this blog.  It also featured an article about Heal My Voice founder Andrea Hylen.  One of the clients at Chrysalis House was so interested in the Heal My Voice program that she reached out to Andrea and this led to us offering a 3-hour writing and creativity workshop at Chrysalis House.

Little did we know at the time that this one event would open the door to a whole new Heal My Voice program.  The mission of Heal My Voice is as follows:

Heal My Voice empowers and supports women and girls globally to heal, reclaim their voice and step into greater leadership in their lives and in the world.

I have participated in several Heal My Voice writing programs and over the last year joined as a facilitator and board member as well.  After our initial workshop, there was such an amazing response from the clients at Chrysalis House, that we were asked to come back on a regular basis.  This has led to me leading a weekly writing circle in addition to a 3-hour monthly creativity workshop, which is supported by other local Heal My Voice authors.  Adapting the original Heal My Voice program model to a residential treatment program has been an expansive experience.  During this time, I have been working closely with Heal My Voice Founder Andrea Hylen.  What has emerged is the foundation for a program model that can brought to other addictions treatment programs and recovery centers around the country.

I have truly been awed by the words that have emerged from the women of Chrysalis House.  Journaling was something that was always recommended but without facilitation the staff found it wasn’t really happening.  By creating a space for writing and creativity, and offering tools and techniques to support self-expression, journaling has become an important part of the each women’s journey in recovery.  This is something that is initiated in the treatment process but offers a powerful tool to support ongoing healing and recovery.

Here are some of the words from one of the women in the program:

My Own Prison

I’ve built my own prison inside of me,
It doesn’t consist of a warden or a key.
The walls are layered with bricks of emotions,
The bars are made of rage,
You couldn’t imagine the hell and commotion.

First a foundation built from addiction,
Then the floors are laid of abuse and confliction.
Every brick in the wall has it’s own tale;
I was warned to change but to no avail.

So I ask myself now,
“Was it all worth all this pain?”
The deteriorating life I tried so hard to sustain.
The very reality of being confined;
Holds no comparison to the shackles on my mind.

I know my day will come when I’ll be released,
But the question still lies, “will I really be free”?
Not free from confinement but free from the chains,
That are linked from my heart to my mind that remains.

The power of these words speak to the impact of this project and how writing can be a vehicle for freedom through self-expression.  At this point, we are ready to take this project to the next level by developing a program workbook and trainer manual so the project can be brought to other women and even men in recovery from addictions.  To grow this program, Heal My Voice is currently running an Indiegogo campaign.  We are in the final few days of this campaign.

I am making a special request to those who follow The Heart Of Awakening Blog to help me and Heal My Voice grow our vision.  Ways you can help:

  • Make a donation to the campaign (there are perks including the Inspired Voices Book which features my story, “Lost & Found: The Birth Of A Shaman” and more…)
  • Share this post or a link to the campaign with your friends and family (Have you or someone you know been impacted by addiction? – this is a great way to support people in recovery) ~  Heal My Voice Indiegogo Campaign
  • Share about the campaign on social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, etc.  You can even join our Countdown event on Facebook and share that.  FB Event.

Here is a link to the campaign to learn more about the project or make a donation:

Heal My Voice Indiegogo Campaign

 

Thank you so much for your support in whatever way you feel to participate.  I am grateful for the community that participates here on The Heart Of Awakening.

Love & light,

Beth

P.S. May Is For Metta 2014 is coming soon to a cushion near you! Learn more…

 

Spring Cleaning Inside And Out, Part I

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As each season arrives, we move through a period of change and transition.  This can be seen in the natural world around us but is also something that is going on within our own selves.  By taking some time to harmonize with the energy of the season, we gain an opportunity to look at the patterns in our lives with a new perspective.  Spring, with its energy of new beginnings, can be powerful time to recreate ourselves in a more balanced and conscious way.

As Spring begins to set in the days begin to get longer, giving us more light.  We can begin to observe new growth in the natural world ~ shoots break through the previously frozen ground and buds pop up on plants and trees, all in preparation for the big Spring Bloom.  Spring is the truly the season of new growth and transformation.  With this, we may feel our energy is expanding, flowing and blossoming with new ideas. It is a perfect time to cultivate our own new beginnings and fresh perspectives so that more of our deeper essence can emerge.

According to Chinese Medicine, Spring is the season of the Wood Element.  The organs most active are Liver and Gall Bladder.  The color is Green.  This makes Spring an ideal time for cleansing and rejuvenation for our overall health and well-being.  We may tend to focus on the physical when we thing of cleansing but really there is an opportunity to do our Spring Cleaning on all levels ~ body, mind, emotion and spirit.  Here is a brief overview:

Wood element imbalances may be experienced in a variety of ways.  Let’s take a look at them from a holistic perspective:

Physical:                                                                  

  • Spinal Problems
  • Poor Flexibility
  • Headaches
  • Poor Resistance to Illness
  • Allergic Sensitivities
  • Skin Problems
  • Irritated, watery eyes
  • Muscle Fatigue and weakness

Mental:

  • Poor Judgement
  • Disorganization
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Control issues
  • Difficulty relaxing
  • Lack of clarity
  • Unable to focus

Emotional:

  • Anger
  • Shouting
  • Difficulty expressing emotions
  • “Stuffing” feelings
  • Control issues
  • Feeling of overwhelm
  • Sense of separateness

Spiritual:

  • Lack of enthusiasm for life
  • Disconnected from Nature
  • Lack of spiritual connection
  • Feelings of isolation
  • Missing a sense of soul purpose

A Balanced Wood Element would experience more of the following:

  • Sense of Connectedness to Nature
  • Clarity
  • Organization
  • Energized
  • Ability & Capacity for Control
  • Spiritual Connection
  • Enthusiasm
  • Healthy Expression of Emotions, especially Anger,
  • Mentally Relaxed
  • Creative

Spring is a great time to look at your life and make a new self-care plan.  Take some time this Spring to look at how you care for yourself, consider where you may be out of balance and where you need to give greater attention to support your overall health and well-being.  Consider what you may need to let go of and what you might like to create in your life – this is what Spring Cleaning Inside and Out is all about!  Here are some questions and ideas to explore:

Physical: Are you physically healthy and active? Do you feel comfortable in you body?   Do you have health issues that limit your life? Are you eating a diet that supports you where you are and where you want to be? Is your environment open and clear or is it full of clutter?  Begin to develop a program to keep you body fit and healthy.  Take a walk for 15 to 20 minutes daily.  Try a yoga or tai chi class.  Eat a balanced diet.  Listen to the messages that your body is sending to you.  Go for a massage.  Drink plenty of water.  Fast or cleanse to detoxify and rejuvenate your body.  Clear you space.  See appropriate health care practitioners or get supports as needed.

Mental: Can you think and express yourself clearly? Are you intellectually satisfied? Does your belief system support you?   What are the beliefs you are holding on to which are limited or no longer serve you? Do you believe in yourself? Are you able to focus? Can you relax your mind?  Pay attention to your thoughts.  Look for recurring patterns to see which support your well-being and which may limit your satisfaction and fulfillment in life.  Be open to creating new ideas and beliefs that will support your growth.  Journaling is a great way to explore our beliefs and begin to explore and release thoughts, which may no longer serve us.  Give yourself recognition for your own intelligence, talents and abilities.  Celebrate yourself!

Emotional: Are you in touch with your emotions? Are you able to express your feelings appropriately? Do you allow your self to experience a full range of feelings – anger and sorrow, love and happiness, etc? Are you able to develop close and intimate relationships?   Allow yourself the time and space to connect with your feelings.   Learn to receive and acknowledge other people’s feelings, as you would want to be received.  Develop relationships that allow you to express emotions honestly and freely.  Seek a counselor or support group if you need support.  Be open to your feelings and the guidance they provide for you.

Spiritual: Do you feel connected with your own inner voice? Do you spend quiet time just “being”? Are you able to feel a sense of oneness? Do you feel a connection to Spiritual Source? God? Spiritual Community? Nature? Do you know what Spirituality means for you?  Find a spiritual practice that suits you.  Attend a spiritual service or community.  Connect with nature.  Create time and space to meditate.  Find a creative activity that allows you to express yourself more freely.  Awaken your inner self.

I hope you enjoy this exploration!  Stay tuned for Part II – I’ll be sharing some Spring tips on nutrition, cleansing and holistic tools to support balance and ease of well-being.

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Do you feel out of balance in your life?

Do you keep repeating the same patterns over and over again?

Are you struggling with a chronic issue or condition that you have been unable to change?

Do you dream of experiencing more peace, joy & ease of wellbeing?

I’d like to invite you to take a step forward in your journey of transformation & healing…

 Spring Into A “Whole” New You!

Integrative Transformational Healing Sessions with Beth Terrence bring together a combination of approaches and modalities that support transformation and wholeness. Sessions are collaborative with practitioner and client working together to explore and uncover areas and issues of focus that will support growth and well-being. Focused attention is given to releasing of patterns, feelings and beliefs which are out of alignment as well as visioning for a new way of being. 


Zero Balancing
Meditation & Mindfulness
  Holistic Self-Care  
Energy/Body Therapy
  PEER™ Process  
Bodybreath Healing
  Lifestyle Restructuring  
Ceremony & Ritual

Sessions are available in person in Annapolis, MD or by Phone/Skype.

An Integrative Transformational Healing Approach utilizing a combination of holistic tools and resources can be beneficial in supporting the following areas: 

Life Transitions 
Anxiety 
Depression 
Loss & Grief 
Lifestyle Restructuring 
Emotional & Energetic Sensitivity 
Trauma & Abuse Issues 
Addiction & Recovery  
Relationships 
Self-Care 
Spirituality 
Personal Growth 
Fibromyalgia 
Chronic Pain & Related Conditions
What clients say about sessions with Beth:

“Beth Terrence is mindful, gentle and authentic. She brings great integrity to her work, having “walked through the fire” in her own life. Beth is more than a healer. She stands with you in the situation, a powerful witness to transformation. Exquisitely perceptive and intuitive, Beth embraces you with understanding and compassion. As my inner child heals, I begin to see my life change. Beth’s words are eloquent, wise and true. I have received unexpected healing just from listening to her interviews.” ~ M.J., New Britain, CT  

“Beth Terrence is an amazing guiding light with the unforced wisdom that comes through years of seeking truth in its many forms. The Bach Remedies are one of her many tools for opening you up to healing and growing into a more complete, peaceful, healthy being. Its amazing how her “prescription” for improved well being fostered a shift in perceptions and behaviors leading to greater daily satisfaction and joy.” 
~ C.B., Annapolis, MD

Spring Is Here! 

Inviting you to emerge into a new way of being.

Are You Ready?

Visit www.bethterrence.com to schedule a session today!

 

 

 


 

 

Poem Of The Week: Be Still By Beth Terrence

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Be Still

By Beth Terrence

Be still as a tree
 whose leaves rustle in the breeze
 standing firm in the ground
 reaching to heaven above
 rooted in both worlds
 connected
 strong 
 unshakable

 

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Beth Terrence is a Shaman, Holistic Health & Wellness Expert, Speaker and Writer.  Writing and reading poetry is a practice that feeds her soul.

She writes regularly on this blog, The Heart Of Awakening: Searching For A New Paradigm, which offers online transformational and holistic resources, including a “Poem Of The Week” Post.   Her story, “Lost & Found: The Birth Of A Shaman”, is part of the collaborative Heal My Voice book, Inspired Voices: True Stories Of Visionary Women.  The poem, Be Still, is published in the Spiritual Writers Network Anthology, Reflections Of The Soul.  Both are available on Amazon.

Currently, Beth is developing and facilitating a pilot program with Heal My Voice and Chrysalis House, a long-term residential addictions treatment program for women and their children in Maryland.  The intention of this program is to support women in healing and recovery through writing and sharing their stories in weekly writing circles and monthly creativity workshops.  

Learn more about Beth at www.bethterrence.com.

Free Teleseminar ~ “A Holistic Approach To Life & Self-Care”

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Discover The Healer Within

I’d like to invite you to join me for my upcoming Free Teleseminar this Thursday, January 30th at 12 PM ET.  This month’s topic is “A Holistic Approach To Life & Self-Care“.

Adopting a holistic approach to life and self-care offers a framework for optimal health, wellness, and personal growth.  Join us as we explore what a holistic approach to life and self-care is; and how you can begin to incorporate this approach into your experience of daily life.  This is an opportunity to start fresh with a personal plan for wellness and self-care.

In the exploration, you will learn:

* What a holistic approach means
* The benefits of adopting a holistic approach to life and self-care
* Ways to support the four basic levels – body, mind, emotion & spirit
* A simple self-care plan to incorporate into your daily life
* How to develop a holistic resource toolbox to support your well-being

I will also share about my journey in healing through Fibromyalgia and how adopting a holistic approach to life and self-care was the key to my recovery and achieving optimal well-being.

Location: Where Ever You Are! Listen By Phone or Online

Cost: Free. Registration will offer access to the live event and audio replay.

Register Now!

A Note From Facilitator, Beth Terrence:

I have been working in the field of Holistic Health & Wellness for over 17 years.  I came to this field from my own journey of healing through Fibromyalgia and Trauma.  It is my passion to help others to heal and support them in living a heart-centered, balanced and joyful life through discovering the healer within.

I started meditating and practicing yoga when I was 14 years old and this has been a foundation of my life ever since.  I believe that we all need tools to support our well-being – body, mind, emotion and spirit.  It is my hope that through sharing my own journey as well as my understanding, developed through both education and experience, that I can assist others in finding the holistic tools and resources that can support them in achieving wholeness and optimal living.

I hope you’ll join me to explore “A Holistic Approach To Life & Self-Care” this Thursday, January 30th at 12 PM ET or via the audio replay.

Register Now!

If you’d like additional information on Individual Sessions in person in Annapolis, MD or by Phone/Skype, Classes/Workshops, Teleseminars, Speaking & or to schedule a complimentary consultation, visit www.bethterrence.com.

Poem Of The Week: Everything Is Waiting For You By David Whyte

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It’s been awhile since I have posted a Poem Of The Week.  Time seems to have slipped away between the end of last year and the beginning of the new, but here we are!  It feels like a perfect time to share this poem by one of my favorite poets, David Whyte.

You may wonder why I share poetry on The Heart Of Awakening Blog.  I have found that both reading and writing poetry is a great way to connect with the energy of spirit and to find inspiration for creativity and for life itself.  My hope is to share poems that will light you up and invite you to explore yourself and the world more deeply.  Enjoy!

Everything is Waiting for You

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

  — David Whyte
from Everything is Waiting for You
©2003 Many Rivers Press

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Inspired Voices Book Cover

Read Beth’s story, Lost & Found: The Birth Of A Shaman, in Inspired Voices: True Stories Of Visionary Women available on Amazon.com.

Reflections Of The Soul Cover

Also, read Beth’s poem, Be Still, in Reflections Of The Soul, A Spiritual Writers Anthology also available on Amazon.com.

Bach Flower Of The Month: Wild Oat ~ The Remedy Of Soul Purpose

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“We must earnestly learn to develop individuality  according to the dictates of our own Soul, to fear no man and to see that no one interferes with, or dissuades us from, the development of our evolution, the fulfillment of our duty and the rendering of help to our fellow-men, remembering that the further we advance, the greater blessing we become to those around us.” ~ Dr. Edward Bach

Wild Oat

I have been a Bach Flower practitioner for 15 years and have been taking the remedies for even longer.  They were a major part of my process of healing through Fibromyalgia and although I came to them to address a specific issue in my life, over the years I have come to know them as tool to be used for lifelong transformation and healing.  There are 38 different flower essences in the Bach Flower System.  Most folks are familiar with the well-known Rescue Remedy, the only pre-blended Bach Flower Remedy.  With this repertoire of 38 remedies, there are well over a million possible combinations to address each individual at each point in their lives.

The remedies follow the philosophy of Dr. Bach and holistic medicine in that we are treating the whole person, not a specific symptom or disease.  Usually at any given time there are 5 – 7 remedies that are indicated for a person based on what they are experiencing in the lives, their personality traits and emotional state.  Also, each person has two type remedies which are ones they carry throughout their lifetime.  In a sense, this is a pattern that their soul has chosen to work through to have the experiences necessary for their evolution.  It often takes a long time to determine one’s type remedies and I have only in the last couple of years come to know mine.

While taking the remedies, one is not so focused on identifying their type but on addressing what is at the surface; looking at what they are experiencing most strongly on a daily basis is key to selecting the most beneficial remedies.  This is one of the reasons the remedies are so effective – they are addressing what is at the surface and they help to settle whatever feelings and patterns are currently activated by transmuting them so our next layer can emerge.  This is truly an evolutionary process.

At some point an awareness comes that a particular remedy is strongest over time.  After many years of exploration and only when I completed my final training with the Bach Centre in 2011 to become a BFRP (Bach Flower Registered Practitioner), did I come to recognize that Wild Oat is one of my two type remedies.  I have always had a fondness for this remedy and have benefited from it personally and continue to today.  I have also seen tremendous changes occur for folks who take Wild Oat when indicated whether it is someone going through a big life transition, trying to choose their course of study or needing to change careers and/or struggling to know which path to take.   For some this will be indicated at various times in life due to transitions or it may be an overall pattern.

Here is Dr. Bach’s description of Wild Oat from his book The Twelve Healers and Other Remedies:

“Those who have ambitions to do something of prominence in life, who wish to have much experience, and to enjoy all that which is possible for them, to take life to the full.  Their difficulty is to determine what occupation to follow; as although their ambitions are strong, they have no calling which appeals to them above all others.  This may cause delay and dissatisfaction.

I have always been someone who is called to do many things and I love each of them just as much. I have found as a result I tend to fit the description to a tee!  Part of this has to do with being passionate about many things.  I have found that my work as a shaman, holistic practitioner, facilitator, speaker, and writer suits me because there is diversity in what I do and who I work with, but still, I tend to feel there is something more.  Maybe there is something that everything I am now doing is leading to or maybe one path will become illuminated above all others at some point.  When I am feeling uncertain about where to put my energy, Wild Oat is my saviour. And, since I have been taking it as a type remedy, I have gotten much more clarity about my life and my work.  Actually, The Heart Of Awakening  Blog was created during this time!

Here are some questions to ask to see if Wild Oat is indicated:

  • Are you feeling like you have come to a crossroads in life?
  • Do you have issues with finding your true life work, mission, purpose, or calling?
  • Do you have a feeling that life is passing you by?
  • Are you unhappy with your current work?
  • Do you find yourself dissatisfied due to unfulfilled ambition?
  • Are you unable to choose a course of direction for your life?
  • Does it feel like you’re stuck in rut with your work or creativity?
  • Do you lack a sense of ambition or achievement?
  • In some way, do you feel like a ‘lost soul’?
  • Are there so many things you are called to do, that you are unable to focus or progress in any one thing?
  • Are you searching for your “niche” in life?

Wild Oat is a remedy of Soul Purpose.  Dr. Bach not only created the remedies themselves, but left us with a body of writing that is a great guide for living as a spiritual being on earth.  He created the remedies to support our journey in transformation and awakening.  Dr. Bach saw disease and suffering as a sign we are out of alignment with our Higher Self.  There is so much wisdom and understanding to be learned through exploring Dr. Bach’s philosophy and life.  Here is some of what he shares about soul purpose:

“Many of us in our childhood and early life are much nearer to our own Soul than we are in later years, and have then clearer ideas of our work in life, the endeavours we are expected to make and the character we are required to develop.  The reason for this is that the materialism and circumstances of our age, and the personalities with whom we associate, lead us away from the voice of our Higher Self and bind us firmly to the commonplace with its lack of ideals, all too evident in this civilization.”

In our modern world, it is easy to be led away from the deeper desires of our Soul.  Wild Oat can help you to find your true purpose or mission in life.  It can be helpful in resolving occupational issues, finding fulfillment with your work and accessing your creative fire.  In essence, it is helping you to become receptive to the wisdom of your higher self and inner guidance concerning what direction is most in alignment with your Soul.  It offers insight into the path ahead with clarity and purpose.

Wild Oat may also be used as a Polycrest remedy.  This is a remedy that helps to move a case forward when it is unclear what remedies are to be taken.  This may occur between taking a blend of remedies or when there is so much happening at the surface that is unclear which remedies are indicated.  The two remedies that Dr. Bach indicated to use as a Polycrest are Wild Oat and Holly.  Wild Oat is indicated for a person who appear more quiet and passive; they maybe more of an introvert.  Holly is indicated for a person who is more active, intense and extroverted.  The Polycrest is taken in the same way as a regular remedy until the next layer emerges; this may be indicated by a wave of emotion or greater clarity about what issues need to be addressed.

As you can see there are many nuances to the Bach Flower Remedies.  Dr. Bach created them to be used by the practitioner and the layperson; they are considered a complete self-healing system.  In the later years of his work, Dr. Bach treated with the Bach Flower Remedies alone giving up conventional medicine to treat the whole person; he had tremendous success!  Sometimes, it can be beneficial to work with a practitioner for a period of time to experience how the remedies work and learn how to use them effectively or you may just wish to explore on your own.  It’s important to know, the remedies can do no harm as they work vibrationally rather than medicinally.

As always, feel free to stop by to share your experiences with Wild Oat and the Bach Flower Remedies, share any reflections or let us know how you are doing!

Discover The Healer Within

Are you ready to discover the healer within?

Would you like to explore working with the Bach Flower Remedies?

Learn about my Special Offer On Integrative Transformational Healing Sessions (Buy One Get One Free ~ Now Thru 1/21/14)

A Day In My Life: Beginnings & Endings

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“The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our separate ways, I to die, and you to live. Which of these two is better only God knows.” ~ Socrates

Today, I was prompted to write about the most important day of my life.  It was suggested that maybe that day was one when you got married, graduated or gave birth to a child.  I spent a few moments brainstorming and came up with a list of about 5 important days.  For some reason when I envision this type of piece, I think that it will be one that is joyful and important because of the excitement and inspiration of that day.

I am not sure if this day qualifies but as I looked at the possibilities, something about this day wanted to be shared.  It was definitely, if not the most important day of my life, the most cathartic one.  I find myself wanting to refer to it as the day as the Trifecta.  In horse racing, a trifecta is a bet in which the bettor must predict which horses will finish first, second, and third in exact order.  Although not much of a gambler myself, for some reason when I was younger, I had a knack for picking the trifecta.  A couple of times I won some good money for my friends.  This is just a bit of an aside to the story, but in fact three big things happened on this one day of my life.

So my day began by preparing to go to a court meeting to finalize my divorce.  It was not actually at the court but at a lawyer’s office.  My relationship of 15 years was over and now all that was seemed left was to meet and sign some papers.  I had met my ex-husband when I was 22 in my last year of college.  It has been an idyllic relationship in many ways and a chaotic one in many others.  The divorce was somewhat obscured by other losses that had happened around that time ~ the death of my mother, as well as the tragic deaths of not one but two of my ex-husband’s cousins, who had been like brothers.

I was less emotional at the meeting than I imagined I would be.  I sat across the table from the man I had spent most of my adult life with.  A friend sat next to me as witness and another of “our’ friends sat next to him.  He was essentially engaged by this time, although not officially until a couple of months later, and although painful, I guess this made it easier to move on in some ways.  He cried a bit and basically said he couldn’t believe I wasn’t showing more emotion.  That was his way, to be all out there with his emotions; maybe not so much now, but at least then, I tended to keep my emotions on the inside or for more private moments.

Afterwards, everyone wanted to go get breakfast at a nearby diner.  It was me, my freshly declared ex-husband, and our two friends.  I didn’t really want to go, but also didn’t want to seem like I wanted to get out of there for some reason.  Not really sure why now as I look back.  Even without showing a lot of emotion, I was feeling a lot inside.  This was the ending of life as I had known it and it turned out taking this time may have caused me a loss in another kind of way.  I did my best to make it through the breakfast and part way through, my phone rang.  I had been awaiting a call about a friend who was in the hospital, but this was not that call.  This was one of my closest friends calling to say she had given birth during the night.

She was at a hospital a couple of blocks away and this gave me a good reason to say goodbye to my past life.  Within about 20 minutes, I was at the hospital visiting my friend and holding a newborn baby in my arms.  An ending had flowed into a beginning.  Not having any children of my own, I hadn’t been so comfortable around little ones but my friend insisted I hold her new addition.  I felt more comfortable than I imagined and it was such a joy to welcome this new life into the world.

I stayed and visited for a bit until it was time to let mother and baby rest.  I had one more stop to make that day.  It happened to be another hospital in another state, not too far away.

The weekend before had been the weekend of Passover; I had gone to back to New York to visit my family.  On the train on the way home, I had gotten a call that my dear friend and mentor for energy healing was in the hospital.  At first it wasn’t clear what was going on, but it seemed he had an aneurism and was in a coma like state.

I had seen him just the week before.  We met to do what we would usually do, check in, discuss our work, and explore what energetic shifts we and others we encountered were experiencing.  It was all big picture kind of stuff.  I never felt so understood and in conscious awareness as when I was with this mentor.  He had gifted me with the support to come to know my own gifts as a healer and how to truly be a spiritual being having a human experience.

During my divorce, I had taken on a full-time job to transition and figure out my next steps.  Due to my schedule and the upcoming divorce, I was able to get to the hospital to see him right away.  That Friday afternoon was the first chance I got to drive around DC to Virginia.  I had been told by my close friends that he wouldn’t know I was there.  Maybe this was part of my delay, too.

On that last day that I saw him, we had our usual fun.  Yes, fun.  He helped me to see the lightness of life even when I was feeling so hurt and so heavy.  We did some very deep intensive healing work as I trained in a process he had developed and yet, there was always a joy in it.  On that day, he was really excited as his son had just gotten accepted to college.  He had finished a project he was working on and had “cracked” a case with a challenging client.  He told me that he felt complete, like he had done all he came here to do.  He said he didn’t know what his next steps would be but that he was content and grateful for this beautiful journey of life.

I was still in the midst of my life crumbling and yet, having this amazing friend and teacher, helped me to see and know that joy and peace were possible.  From him, I had also learned that all of what I experienced in feeling and seeing energy was “normal”.  In my marriage, there was not space for me to talk about energy or spirit; that was taboo.  And, so I had hidden much of myself and my experience for many years.  It was in connecting with this teacher that my life truly changed, and so I guess not surprising that my marriage had ended around that time, too.

It took me quite awhile to make it around the DC beltway into Virginia that afternoon.  It was just past 4 pm as I arrived in the parking lot of the hospital.  Just as I pulled in my phone rang.  It was a friend calling to tell me that Bill had passed away about an hour before, while I was stuck in traffic.  Again, she stressed that it may have been best, for although his body remained, he had seemed gone right away.  Still, here I was at the hospital, coming to say what I imagined would be my farewell, at least in the physical, but I was too late.

I was supposed to be meeting another friend in the lobby who wanted to go see Bill, too.  So, I went in and he was there waiting.  I had to now tell him the news I had received on the phone.  I didn’t realize until I did that he had no idea how serious things were.  He had just heard Bill was in the hospital and so planned to come visit.  He was in shock as was I.  We sat and cried in the hospital lobby.  There was nowhere to go and no one to say goodbye to.

There’s a bit more to that day, but it feels like this is enough to share.  After that day, I felt like my whole life had washed away.  Like there was nothing left of the me I knew before.  I felt like I had beared so much and could bear no more.  Bill had helped me through a major transitional time in my life.  Some of that was outer changes like loss of loved ones, my marriage ending, moving, changing my work, etc.  Most of it was, inner changes such as coming to know and understand my path as a healer, learning my own inner guidance system and how to trust my experience.

I truly believed I would not have made it through this time without his support.  And, with him suddenly gone, I didn’t feel like I had the foundation I needed to go on.  I wandered in this lost state for several weeks, even months.  The pain was so great that I am not sure how I functioned, but somehow I did.  I had already experienced loss in many ways, but there was a potency to this day and to having the experience of divorce, birth and death happen in such a proximal way that I will never forget.

Life is journey that includes many beginnings and endings, many gains and many losses, many births and many deaths.  As humans, it’s so natural to want to hold on to how things are but that is not the nature of existence.  I think the beauty of having all of that experience in one day showed me how important it is to just be with life, to flow and to trust that wherever we are is where we need to be.

Perhaps there is a day in your life that feels most important or impactful.  I hope you’ll take some time whether in writing or in life to share or reflect on that day, on what you felt and what you learned.

Namaste.