“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” – Pema Chodron
One of the great gifts of Metta is learning to move beyond our personal experience into the understanding that all beings experience suffering just as we do and additionally, all beings wish to be happy and peaceful just as we do. I find 30 days to be a great container for exploring a new practice or creating a change in our lives. As we move toward the end of our container, we have a much stronger foundation than when we first began. This is a wonderful time to re-examine our practice and how far we have come. It is also an opportunity to see where more of our work lies.
At this point you know that you can always do your practice in a way that you feel guided to; so your guidance as you feel to. My suggestion for today is to deepen in two areas:
1. Loving-kindness For Ourselves
2. Loving-kindness For A Difficult Person
Take some time today to practice for yourself for a bit longer than you may have been doing since we moved on to the other categories. Also, take some time to offer Metta for yourself throughout the day, perhaps as difficult feelings arise or just when you think of it. Metta can be both a proactive and responsive process, so it is beneficial to work with it in both of formal practice and “on the spot” practice. If there is a particular issue or struggle you are dealing with or that you may have noticed as you moved through the month, such as difficult feelings, outmoded beliefs or unhealthy patterns, bring this into your practice by offering loving-kindness to yourself with a more specific focus.
Additionally, take some time to work the category of Difficult person, referred to in traditional Buddhist texts as the “Enemy”. There are clearly varying degrees of difficulty and this is something to explore as part of the practice. At the most basic level, the Difficult person is someone whom we find it challenging to like or feel friendly towards. It is someone towards whom we may have varying degrees of negative feelings. Sometimes, just thinking about this Difficult person causes us to feel upset or frustrated.
Working with the category of Difficult person offers us the opportunity to go to a deeper place within ourselves. Oftentimes, when someone causes a reaction in us, there are feelings and issues we need to resolve within ourselves. As always, we begin by cultivating loving-kindness and compassion for ourselves. We acknowledge that something is arising within us that is causing discomfort and in a sense, we comfort ourselves with our attention and our compassion.
There are often people and situations that challenge us and cause uncomfortable feelings to arise; this can occur in our work life, our families, and just in moving about in the world. Often, we need to deal with seemingly difficult people and situations but there is nothing we can do to change the fact that we have to relate with them. This is one of the places we can shut our heart down as we feel there is nothing to do with our feelings but stuff them inside. By offering Metta, we begin to work with our resistance, which supports having a more open heart and mind. It also gives us a vehicle for dealing with something that we may feel we have no power to change. Perhaps we cannot change this outwardly, but we do have the power to create change within ourselves.
As we begin, we recognize that the Difficult person is suffering just as we are suffering. Even though we struggle with this person, we acknowledge that they deserve to be happy as all beings do. You may wish to choose someone whom you have struggled with for some time or just notice a situation that arises during the day, such as a frustrating phone call or stressful interaction with a coworker. In the beginning, it can be helpful to choose someone to work with who you find is only mildly difficult rather than someone who stirs up very strong emotions. However, if a very difficult situation arises, this can be a good time to explore responding with loving-kindness and compassion. Remember you can always bring your practice to yourself first. Once you are in that space of loving-kindness you can then explore extending it to the Difficult person or situation.
Daily Practice:
Do your foundational practices. Find a comfortable position. Imagine yourself in the center of a circle of loving beings or enveloped in the feeling of loving-kindness. Connect with your own heart center and begin your practice by offering the Metta phrases for yourself:
- May I be happy.
- May I be peaceful.
- May I be free of suffering.
- May I have ease of well-being.
Even if you did your practice at home, take a few moments as you as you go about your day to center yourself in the heart and repeat a round of two or phrases for yourself. Remember to do your foundational practices several times throughout the day, especially when you are experiencing stress or difficult emotions.
When you feel ready to move on to practicing for all of the categories you feel to for today: Benefactor, Beloved, Neutral Being, Difficult Person and All Beings. As you begin, say, “Just as I wish to be peaceful and happy, so does this being wish to have inner peace and joy.” Repeat the phrases for each category you are working with:
- May you be happy.
- May you be peaceful.
- May you be free from suffering.
- May you have ease of well-being.
As you become distracted or difficult feelings arise, use the Switchback, returning the practice to yourself until a sense of calm returns. When you feel ready, return the practice to where you left off or move on to the next category.
At some point either in your sitting practice, as you go about your day or in both ways, take some time to explore the category of a Difficult Person more deeply. Offer Metta for this person and also notice what arises within yourself. Are there certain qualities about this person that you, too, may carry? Maybe yes and maybe no; it’s all about exploring. Remember, it can be someone whom you often struggle with or someone who has annoyed you or caused difficult emotions for you today. Do your foundational practices and say, “Just as I wish to be happy and peaceful, so does this being wish to have peace and happiness”. Begin to offer phrases for your Difficult Person, remembering to return your practice to yourself as you need to:
- May you be happy.
- May you be peaceful.
- May you be free from suffering.
- May you have ease of well-being.
To complete your practice, return yourself to your circle of loving beings or envision yourself enveloped in the energy of loving-kindness and compassion. Really allow that feeling to sink into you, let every atom and cell of your being be filled with the energy of loving-kindness and compassion.
Take a few moments to reflect on your practice. Ask that the merit of your practice be for the benefit of all beings knowing that in sharing this merit you, too, are receiving immense benefit.
Daily Journal Reflection:
Take some time to reflect on your practice of Metta for yourself and for a Difficult Person. Have you noticed any changes since you began? How did it feel to take some more time to offer Metta to yourself? Are you able to see a change as you work with the category of Difficult Person? Do you notice anything about the Difficult Person that may be something for you to explore within yourself? Are you remembering to be gentle and loving with yourself as you practice?
May you have a day filled with happiness and peace.
Namaste.
The Heart of Awakening 